


ENRAGEVEN: An adventure in crackships and video games.

by spectralspices



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Cuddling, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-12-15 01:25:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11795541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spectralspices/pseuds/spectralspices
Summary: Chapter 1 is a present for @Remadra on tumblr, and Chapter 2 is a present for @electric-nope on tumblr also. They're some of my best friends and I'm glad my stupid writing makes them happy! Happy birthday both of ya! It's about Caliborn being bad at games, and Davesprite associating with him due to this fact.





	1. THE OPENER

“This is-SUPREMELY dumb.” The orange sprite floated around his companion slowly, his little ghost-tail wiggling uselessly through the air. “That’s not even how you do that.” He turned around staring intently then. “I think you fucked up even more than you thought you did.”  
“SHUT UP!!!! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT-GHHKKFUCKIGNNNN-” Just then, Caliborn’s Minecraft character was killed, attempting to make a sword by putting logs in every space of the crafting table in the middle of the night. In a field.   
“Seriously, dude, this is just dumb. Stop playing hardcore, that’s not working for you in the slightest.”   
“And what do YOU suggest?? I play like some sort of PUSSY?!”  
“A pussy is nice dude, pussies are great. You meet that nepeta girl? Every version of her is super nice. You should stop secluding yourself like this-”  
“I am aware of niceness and pussies! I don’t care about cats or human vagroobies, I am trying to conquer this blockworld and not be WEAK. Your minescraft is BAD and you should feel BAD.”  
“To be fair, you’re playing the really shitty version from when I entered the game, it probably would’ve gotten updates or something.”

 

They talked on like that, bantering, conversing, shouting. Davesprite hadn’t had a lot of luck in his timeline, or the timeline that he died in AS a sprite. He ended up dying in a big oil pit, but that was awhile ago. When he woke up, he was surprised sprites even HAD bubble-ghosts. He was more surprised to still be Davesprite instead of just...DAVE. That would’ve been nice, at least then he’d get to look like the rest of the other copies of Dave. When he found this Caliborn-Bled out as he traversed the ruined wastelands of Earth after biting his own fucking leg off like a moron-Davesprite just HAD to hang around. He was a goldmine of freudian slips, stupid comments, and hilarious shenanigans. Sure, DS had slips about how attractive people were sometimes, but this dude would go on rants that could fill books about fucking someone as revenge on accident.

 

Eventually...the tone changed. They’d moved to the part of the sparsely populated dreambubble that was constructed from Caliborn’s memories, laying atop the remains of a dersite Meteor lab and staring at the gray, lifeless sky. Neither said anything. Well...until Caliborn said something.  
“Why do you stick around?”  
“Huh?” Davesprite leaned up, holding himself by his elbows.  
“I said, what keeps you here? I insult you and your stupid fucking bird face, and I hate all of the people you’re friends with, and you could be hanging out with people who don’t shout at you all the time. So why the fuck are you here? You got a fetish? Do you have a skeleton kink?!”  
Davesprite wanted to be serious. He wanted to take Caliborn’s question seriously, dive deep in both of their minds, determine why he chose to hang around a volatile freak and why the freak decided to hang around a self-loathing creamsicle copy of a real person.  
But Caliborn had to go and say “DO YOu HAVE A SKELETON KINK?!”   
Davesprite made the noise of a waterlogged engine being revved, containing his laughter for a split second before the shuddering wave of hilarity hit him.   
“PFHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH” He clutched at his stomach reflexively, rolling on the ground like a massive goddamn tool for what felt like forever. “DO I HAVE A WHAT.”  
Caliborn’s voice was bereft of humor-as it always was unless he was the one telling the joke-as he responded. “A kink! Dirk told me about those, you humans have lots! Piss and eating people and even...cuddling. Lewd things!”   
Davesprite was so, so, so incredibly happy that at least one version of Bro was amazing and chill enough to not turn this freak into a sexually predatory monster. Dirk would’ve been amazing to meet if he were the real Dave.   
“Listen, dude, my guy, my green friend-”  
“-friend?-”  
“-You gotta understand, I just like hanging around you because you say shit like that. You’re hilarious.” Davesprite sat up, wiping his eyes of tears that he had made himself shed because he was a double ghost at this point. That was when he noticed the red circles on Caliborn’s cheeks had gotten larger.   
“Hey, uh, you got some things on your...cheek things.”  
Caliborn’s gaze suddenly snapped from Davesprite’s face, and he turned his entire body away. “Shut up! No I don’t!! Fuck you!!!”  
“Dude, c’mon, is this a cherub boner? Are you rock hard from my casual sexuality?” Davesprite slowly lowered his hands onto Caliborn’s shoulders, massaging the carapace gently.   
“W-WHAT ARE-”  
“I’m getting physically intimate as hell up in here.” He leaned down...and gently smooched the top of Caliborn’s head. Ironically, of course. He wasn’t actually into getting this intimate with this dork. Hahah, totally not at all.   
Caliborn’s cheek things got even wider, and he started hiding his face in those clickity-clackity clawed hands of his. This was accompanied with a groan worthy of a dying moose.   
“Hey, no need for that, just…” Davesprite, silently as the grave, lifted Caliborn up over his head and flew up in the air. With a triple twist, he firmly planted himself with his arms powerfully...gently cupping the cherub’s body, performing the world’s first Atomic Ghost Big Spoon Izuna Drop. The impact would’ve leveled cities. Tiny can-based cities.   
“You have. Defeated me.”   
Wait, what?  
Caliborn turned slowly and pressed his forehead to Davesprite’s.   
“You’ve uncovered my most disgusting, personal fetish and forced me into a deep, dark world of perversion, you orange fuck. I’m your cuddlebitch now.”  
“...Does that mean we’re dating?”  
“YES YOU FUCKING IDIOT.”  
Okay, maybe he should get less ironic.


	2. VIDEO GAMES.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SKELETONKINK is now a Let's Play channel. Yep.

It was...stupidly lucky what the two of them got to have. Out of all the ghosts in the dreambubbles, Caliborn and Davepsrite had managed to make it out. They didn't even know how-Just that they were alive and with everyone. Davesprite steered clear of the Real Dave, and Caliborn was so volatile nobody wanted to be anywhere NEAR him. So...they shacked up in a small house, around where Dirk had chosen for his own fairly secluded home. People came often, checking on them, Jade and John usually...but the Real Dave showed up sometimes, and everyone else visited at least once. Hell, Calliope even came with John and Roxy at her side once. And throughout it all, the one thing everyone commented on was…

“He wasn’t as bad as he used to be, huh?”

Sure, Caliborn had told them to fuck off and die, and that he’d conquer the world and destroy them all because he was an ALPHA and he was BETTER THAN THEM, but he didn’t try to attack them. There was no attempt at violence, not even when his Sister appeared before him. Was it his time to simmer as a ghost? Was it Davesprite’s positive (and clearly romantic, even John picked up on that) relationship? Was it just a natural thing for Red Cherubs to mellow out? Well, the answer to those was:  
1\. No, his anger would’ve only grown like a wildfire on a planet constructed entirely from dried leaves.  
2\. Pretty much.   
3\. No, they would usually get exponentially worse murderbeasts.  
But it wasn’t just his avian boyfriend. It was also…  
SKELETONKINK, their extremely popular Let’s Play channel on Earth C’s equivalent of Youtube. Fuck worldbuilding, it’s just youtube.

The premise, if there really was one, was that Caliborn was a very violent person. He was also a very angry one, and in addition, he was god-awful at video games. His boyfriend, Davesprite (viewers liked to call him “Dees” or “Dee-Ess”) was a very calm person, especially in videos. He was super good at games.  
“What is UP you RANCID FUCKS!! You are being blessed by a video today, by me, Caliborn, who should have already been crowned king of this shitty planet by now, and-”  
“We’re playing Portal 2.”  
While they lacked a facecam, the silence and sound of rustling clothing communicated Caliborn’s slightly genuine feeling of betrayal as he looked to his boyfriend.  
“Um?? RUDE??? I was doing the intro, you dick!”  
“And I was doing it better. By actually getting to the introduction. Hey everybody, DS “I have depression” Davesprite here with my extremely cute and lovely boyfriend who I am going to love and cherish forever.”   
“I-You-I-Wh-Nhhhghg.” Caliborn’s will crumbled audibly. In the quietest voice he could manage, he reciprocated. "...Love you too."

“So, I’ll be playing as P-Body, because...Orange and tall.”  
“And I’m picking Atlas, because he’s the MASCULINE one. He’s so goddamn beefy! Look at him!” Caliborn made his portly character jump backwards in a circle in front of Davesprite’s Camera.  
“Jeez, man, if you love him so much I can Captain N your ass in there and you can hop on his robodick.”  
“Oh, like you’re much better!! The last time you were on Tumblr you reblogged fifty posts about the big white banana woman..”  
“Because she’s a good character I enjoy seeing content about. Before we get into this more, check it-” Davesprite chose that moment to initiate the Hug Emote, interrupting Caliborn’s backwards jumping circle with a tender embrace.  
“AHGHK! Quit it!”  
“Never. We’re in a hug-box now. Enter my affection zone.”   
“S-Seriously, sparrow, can we get to the game?? My mindless droves of followers aren’t subscribed for an episode of no gameplay and me just getting teased-”  
“The channel is called skeletonkink-”  
“-AND I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF WE GOT TO THE GAMEPLAY OF MY GAMEPLAY VIDEO YOU CREAMY BIRDFUCK.”  
“Funny, that’s what I was gonna call you tonight. Hey let’s do chapter three.”  
“FUCKING DAMNIT.”

“...And that’s the end of the episode. As a recap to anyone skipping around the timeline, youtube or actual, Python fucked around for like 50% of the video trying to brute force a chamber without portals.”  
“Yeah, well-THIS PYTHON IS GONNA FUCK AROUND WITH 50% OF YOUR BIRD ASS!!!”  
Davesprite slowly turned P-body towards Atlas to stare at him through the game.   
“...Are you trying to fluster me? Because you just said you’re gonna play with one of my non-existent buttcheeks.”  
“FUCK YOU.”  
“This is the cutest attempt at revenge ever, c’mere you dork.”   
“NOOOOooooo…!”  
They smooched for hours.  
When skeletonkink had Co-Op playthroughs, their upload schedule got inconsistent.


End file.
